Space to Talk report
Title: Space to Talk – Small gestures meaning a lot
Context;
Rationale;
Statistics over the past 20 years would support the notion that our communities have become increasingly lonely and disconnected spaces, resulting in our personal experience being one of greater disconnection, being less known and thus experiencing greater loneliness ourselves. The impact of which can be experienced by any individual within any community and affect them to lesser or greater degrees in their physical and mental health and wellbeing. As Tracey Crouch, Minister for Loneliness said in 2018 “Nobody should feel alone or be left with no one to turn to. Loneliness is a serious issue that affects people of all ages and backgrounds and it is right that we tackle it head on.”
Into this context, the onset and impacts of a worldwide pandemic have increased disconnection and isolation through distancing, changed working environments, reduced social interactions and financial and relational pressures. A growing fear of isolation and loneliness as restrictions impacted our day to day experience, coupled with increased concerns and anxieties over health, finance, education, and our future to name but a few, we anticipated the dangerous and fertile conditions for greater deterioration in the health and mental wellbeing of many within our community. We recognized that this might no longer be the experience solely of particular age groups, backgrounds, those in vulnerable living conditions or socio economic situations, as restrictions pushed people into reduced spaces of connection and support.
Our choice of response was determined by our understanding of the power of deliberate listening and that even in small gesture responses, a moment of interaction, or a momentary space for individuals to encounter a compassionate listener, an individuals experience might change resulting in greater connection, building trust, reduced loneliness and thus strengthening their mental health.
We recognized the incredible services of charities such as Carlisle Mind and Samaritans, but could foresee that these services would become stretched as a result of the pandemic. Further to these support agencies there were the health care bodies and private therapeutic professional services that were essential but may also be less accessible, more expensive and more rare in their availability.
Our aims were 5 fold.
Firstly our desire was to help support and protect the community from greater deterioration in areas of their mental health through establishing an open, creative and compassionate space where people could, even briefly, be known and heard without expense, or waiting to access an opportunity.
Journalist Ronnie Polaneczky says that when we listen we are “bearing witness” to someone’s experiences, concerns, anxieties and beliefs. In ‘bearing witness’ we, the listener, validate the persons experience, communicating that their experience matters. Dr Daniel Siegel, child psychiatrist, referencing how people change says it “is through the process of telling their stories to an empathetic listener. When a person tells their story and is truly heard and understood, both they and the listener undergo actual changes in their brain circuitry. They feel a greater sense of emotional and relational connection, decreased anxiety, and greater awareness of and compassion for others.” Psychologists tell us that trauma is when people experience suffering alone. Robert Stolorow “trauma is when severe emotional pain cannot find a relational home in which it can be held". Therefore if the opportunity, even in small gestures, can offer a space where a community member can tell their story, resulting in them feeling less alone in their experience, there would be the possibility of a greater sense of emotional and relational connection and decrease in anxiety.
Secondly we wanted to contribute to reducing the long-term effects of the pandemic. Research shows that the number one factor in recovery of trauma and difficult experiences is if a person is held by a friend, family or support group and has the opportunity to talk about their pain. It shows that when this happens people are spared any, or experienced reduced, long term effects. Thus the Space to Talk was to create a simple, accessible environment, into which the suffering and anxieties experienced as a result of the pandemic could ‘be held’, thus potentially contributing to building back following the pandemic by reducing its long term effects.
Furthermore, we have sought to continue, or expand, new possibilities for strengthening Weak ties through the periods of distancing and lockdown. Weak ties are the connections which are typified by distant social relationships and infrequent interactions, commonly observed between acquaintances or strangers (Granovetter, 1973) Research shows that “building networks of casual acquaintances can boost happiness, knowledge and a sense of belonging.” Gillian Sandstrom, senior lecturer in psychology at the University of Essex, found in her research that participants with larger networks of weak ties tended to be happier overall, and that on days when a participant had a greater number of casual interactions with weak ties – such as, a local barista, or a neighbour, – they experienced more happiness and a greater sense of belonging. Space to Talk has provided a connection point for strangers, and while interactions are infrequent they have provided a consistent interaction where individuals have been welcomed, heard and known and conversations shared with people indicating they have not easily been able to speak of them elsewhere. E.g. Julie* 28 years old. Usually close family connections due but now isolated due to her brother shielding with terminal cancer. Shared she had just been through a breast cancer scare herself in the preceding weeks but had not been able to speak of it, for concern of overburdening her family’s already difficult situation. She recognised this was the first time she had been able to talk of it.
Fourthly, a key component has been through the work of NHS Social Prescribers on the team through which individuals have the opportunity to inquire of and be presented with possible solutions or support to their difficult circumstances. Simple, accessible (without entering a service formally) and immediate signposting has the opportunity to increase hope as possibilities are presented and pathways of change remain open to the individual where they had not seemed possible previous to the encounter. E.g. Dorothy* had just lost her husband that week and was in shock. She came to speak with a Social Prescriber who was able to connect her with her GP surgery and begin to help her process the death of her husband, emotionally and practically.
Finally our aim is to develop a simple, reproducible model that could extend into any context and location and beyond the circumstances of the pandemic in order to encourage our community to become one that listens deliberately to one another and thus playing a small part in society learning how to reconnect for the health and wellbeing of each person.
Description;
The restrictions for managing Covid-19 meant we could only operate within certain contexts, allowing for maximum safety, and also recognising that with many public spaces closed we needed to be present in the spaces that were possible. It was also felt (although yet to be fully assessed) that people experienced a feeling of greater safety in open spaces where they did not need to enter a building or go through a door, which acted as a barrier, an admission that they needed help, or something was wrong or were unsure of what they were walking into. Being present in spaces where people were passing seemed to reduce the barriers, with people feeling the freedom to walk by and not engage or only engage, as they felt safe to do so. The open environment felt less like something being done ‘to them’ or a ‘service’ to access and a little more like concerned friends or neighbours coming together to talk.
We wanted to bring together partners from a variety of spaces such as local city council, the health service (NHS Social Prescribers), local community and faith groups. This has allowed for broader access to resources, expertise and representation of some of the spaces that are part of local community and have the ability to affect change at both a personal and structural level.
We wanted a model that was simple and transferable into varied contexts, of good standard while not requiring credential trained roles and remain inexpensive.
We wanted an element of consistency with team members in order to build trust and the ability to develop an element of ‘being known’ with the public, through being in the same space at the same time.
We developed a small gift bag or ‘Bag of Courage’ to be given freely to people approaching the space, with simple items such as tea, biscuits, chocolate and a message of hope - ‘Have some Hope and Courage (and a wee treat too) You’re not forgotten’. It also Included a simple flyer with agencies contact details for further support in a variety of areas from mental health support to financial advice.
Each session operates for 3 hours every Friday, between 10.30am-1.30pm, with team members being present to listen from 1 hour-1.5 hours per session. Each conversation may last 5 minutes - 30minutes depending on the person sharing their story. To date we have had 12 Spaces to Talk, connecting with approximately 100 people during each session.
Team members were initially invited towards the project in order to pilot some of the criteria for a safe and effective space. They come from local government, health agencies and local community and faith groups. Initially we required some previous listening skills training but are developing a model of 1 trained person per team with remaining volunteers undertaking our minimum training in order to reduce some of the barriers of cost and time that can be involved in other listening models. Again with the aim of not lessening the standard of what we do while recognising this is not a therapeutic environment and therefore does not requiring further levels of training.
We do however ensure there is one, more experienced, person available at each session as the safeguarding role and to enable more specialised intervention should any situation require it where more serious matters are disclosed in the course of a conversation.
Achievements
To date the outcomes observed have been 2 fold:
For the listeners: it reminds us of our own humanity, that we are all connected, all part of this community. It has increased our understanding and empathy of the living situations and experiences of others within our community and has increased our awareness of the need to listen deliberately in every space of our lives, not just in an organised space. The listeners also experience a sense of wellbeing in the giving of their time and compassion to others as they listen and a sense of satisfaction when further connection to support, that could precipitate change for the individual, occurred.
For the community: our achievements are best reported though some of the stories of those we have connected with.
Man 50-60 – long term mental health issues and supports (Crisis/ HAWC), aware of lots of coping strategies, struggling as elderly Mum in Glasgow who he sees regularly he now can’t due to virus restrictions, loves walking, really enjoyed being able to talk spoke to 3 listeners and has come back every week.
Man 93 – Generally fit and well. Said all was fine but during course of conversation revealed that no one had visited him at home apart from daughter and son in law since 2016
Woman – Long standing mental health issues has guardianship for Grandson (daughter DV r’ship) Grandson due to go and live more permanently with family member soon.
Father & Daughter – from D&G, daughter and brother live together both have some learning difficulties. Dad widowed but lives close by support each other. Confused about the changing rules. Their situation seems to be they would be in a support bubble. Say there is nothing like this available to them in Annan area enjoyed being able to talk through.
Man (30 – 40) – Previous head injury, enjoyed talking and telling us his jokes, came back later with his Mum and her friend, they were both really keen to find out more about the event and could really see the need/ value.
Man (70-80) – Had spine surgery in January, walking with a frame, felt virus restrictions had negatively impacted his recuperation from surgery, felt quite lonely.
Woman (50-60) – Long term mental health issues. Crisis team involvement. Neighbour issues. Talked through issues, really enjoyed the value of being listened to “you are my angel today”
Man (20-30) – Ex forces PTSD, struggling to find his niche outside of the forces. Have taken details to send him Forces link and other supports.
People were coming as they’d heard about the event previously and also wanted to know when it was happening again. Several people saying that they would recommend it to friends/ partners, etc. who they felt would benefit.
Man (40’s) “This is brilliant, we all have stuff going on in our heads and need something like this, thank you.”
Man in (40’s) “Courage, man we need some courage right now, thank you for this, this means a lot.”
Man (30’s) “Thank you for today, this has really helped, feel like I have got stuff off my chest.”
Lady (40’s) Feeling extremely low and beyond discouraged, given a bag of courage and explained how Space to Talk was here every Friday and is letting people know they are not alone. Later conversation with her said she was feeling a little more hopeful.
Ladies (40’s and 60’s) Described feeling like they have been trying to walk against the storm for most of their life, after listening and suggesting some steps towards hope and the power of generosity through coffee purchase and bags of courage. Met them again 3 weeks later to hear how things have changed around and family relationships have been restored.
Talking to two men who were asking what Space to talk is all about. Their friend going through a really tough time. Wanted a bag of courage to give them an opportunity to show some kindness and let him know he was not alone.
Lady (60’s)”Thank you for listening I felt like a pressure cooker valve has been let off”
Lady (20’s) It helped me to be able to talk to someone outside of worrying my family
Men (early 20’s) good to know we’re part of a community like this.
Lady (30’s) It helped me enormously to talk about it at that point that I felt really overwhelmed
Ladies (20’s) “What a good community to be a part of”
It’s just so good to have someone to talk to. I feel lighter by just speaking about this.
Lady (60’s) Listener asked would you like to have a chat? “No thanks I don’t need to talk…30 minutes later she had shared about her concerns and fears for her granddaughter working in ITU at the hospital and cried as she shared
We can report on
Feelings of decreased anxiety
Increased hope
By being heard, changing their experience of what they are going through and thus supporting their well being
People feeling less alone
Maintaining a weak tie environment throughout a period of vastly reduced connection spaces.
Developing a simple model that can be used in other contexts and locations
Contributing to Protecting the individual from the deterioration of their mental health through signposting
Conclusion
The concept of Space to Talk, or simply spaces where deliberate listening occurs, is essential for any community to thrive in their mental health and wellbeing. It is a mere drop in the ocean of what was an already very complex challenge, further exacerbated by the onset of a pandemic.
Therefore the solutions as to how to protect the wellbeing of our communities in the experience of a pandemic and the way in which we rebuild back from this is also going to be one that requires many solutions on many levels from national to local government, local and services and through grass roots community groups and individual community members.
While challenging and complex it is not impossible that even through hundreds or thousands of small gestures, such as Space to Talk, that substantial and transformative in roads can, and must continue to, be made to enable connection, to reduce loneliness through the true knowing and sense of belonging of each community member, the emotional and mental wellbeing of each person has the conditions in which to thrive.